Sunday, December 21, 2008


A few people have commented to me about how close Aiden and I are. The type of closeness that we know what the other is feeling. With all my struggles lately (boohoo, I know), I have had trouble sleeping, Josh told me I should take something (something like Tylenol PM, none of that hard stuff. Unless you got some, then maybe I'll take it;) I probably shouldn't write that. There is probably some narcotics cop out there scanning blogs for druggies and with my luck I'd get busted. Listen officer, I am only kidding. If you don't believe me, it just my sense of humor read more blog posts, you'll see.
Back to the story... I told Josh I didn't want to take anything because I am worried I won't wake up if Aiden needs me. He said that I was so in tune to Aiden that it wouldn't be a problem. I really loved hearing that from him. It is so true. There are nights when I will suddenly wake up and just sit there for a minute wondering why I awoke so abruptly only a minute later to hear Aiden start crying. Some mornings I wake up, (if you know me I don't wake up, I would probably sleep a month straight if somebody or something didn't wake me up. Before child I once slept until 5pm) anyways, Some mornings I just wake up a lay there, mostly upset that I'm awake and then I hear rustling on the monitor and then a happy "mommy?" I am unsure about this one, whether I woke up because I sensed he was about to wake up or whether he can sense I'm awake so then he wakes up. Either way I try not to think about him when I am awake in the middle of the night because I don't want to chance him waking up.
It's funny to think back to Aiden's and my first few months together. I didn't feel much for the kid. I didn't feel an incredible bond with him. When I spoke to people about how I didn't feel close to him they would tell me I shouldn't have any more. I wondered how we were going to make it. Most babies come out and their mothers are immediately drawn towards them and I didn't feel it. I was worried I had made the biggest mistake, that I was going to be a terrible mother.
So hear I am tonight, again unable to sleep and so grateful for this overwhelming bond I share with my son. He can tell when things are not right with me. This last week he has been giving me extra snuggles and hugs. I even dare say he has yelled at me less this past week ;) He knows when I am sad even though I try so hard to hide it from him. He knows so much about what I am feeling. And I him.
Tonight Josh and I were talking about how much we like him. REALLY like him. We don't like being away from him, we can't even imagine going on a vacation without him. He is awesome. So much fun. I am not a kid person, I used to despise other peoples kids but I am crazy about my little boy. I think part of the reason we are scared to have another child, is we are afraid it will pale in comparison to this amazing being we created. Plus like I said, we really like just hanging out with Aiden, and if another little one comes along, it will take away from that.
He is just so cool. I never thought I would love anything this much. I lack in so many areas in life but being a mother to him is my proudest accomplishment. He is my best decision.

(here is where I add the beautiful picture of the two of us, but I can't get it to work so use your imagination.)

1 comment:

jennybrum said...

Isn't it amazing the love mothers have for their babies? They say Heavenly Father loves us even more than that, but sometimes its really hard to fathom. We also take our kids with us on vacations, and we usually only leave them for a few hours each week for a date (4 is harder to bring along than 1!) I promise if you have other kids you will think they are just as incredible as Aiden is. Until they get big enough to really sass you, and then you will think, "I really really love you, but isn't it time for you to go to school yet?!!" lol