Aiden

A few people have commented to me about how close Aiden and I are. The type of closeness that we know what the other is feeling. With all my struggles lately (boohoo, I know), I have had trouble sleeping, Josh told me I should take something (something like Tylenol PM, none of that hard stuff. Unless you got some, then maybe I'll take it;) I probably shouldn't write that. There is probably some narcotics cop out there scanning blogs for druggies and with my luck I'd get busted. Listen officer, I am only kidding. If you don't believe me, it just my sense of humor read more blog posts, you'll see.
Back to the story... I told Josh I didn't want to take anything because I am worried I won't wake up if Aiden needs me. He said that I was so in tune to Aiden that it wouldn't be a problem. I really loved hearing that from him. It is so true. There are nights when I will suddenly wake up and just sit there for a minute wondering why I awoke so abruptly only a minute later to hear Aiden start crying. Some mornings I wake up, (if you know me I don't wake up, I would probably sleep a month straight if somebody or something didn't wake me up. Before child I once slept until 5pm) anyways, Some mornings I just wake up a lay there, mostly upset that I'm awake and then I hear rustling on the monitor and then a happy "mommy?" I am unsure about this one, whether I woke up because I sensed he was about to wake up or whether he can sense I'm awake so then he wakes up. Either way I try not to think about him when I am awake in the middle of the night because I don't want to chance him waking up.
It's funny to think back to Aiden's and my first few months together. I didn't feel much for the kid. I didn't feel an incredible bond with him. When I spoke to people about how I didn't feel close to him they would tell me I shouldn't have any more. I wondered how we were going to make it. Most babies come out and their mothers are immediately drawn towards them and I didn't feel it. I was worried I had made the biggest mistake, that I was going to be a terrible mother.
So hear I am tonight, again unable to sleep and so grateful for this overwhelming bond I share with my son. He can tell when things are not right with me. This last week he has been giving me extra snuggles and hugs. I even dare say he has yelled at me less this past week ;) He knows when I am sad even though I try so hard to hide it from him. He knows so much about what I am feeling. And I him.
Tonight Josh and I were talking about how much we like him. REALLY like him. We don't like being away from him, we can't even imagine going on a vacation without him. He is awesome. So much fun. I am not a kid person, I used to despise other peoples kids but I am crazy about my little boy. I think part of the reason we are scared to have another child, is we are afraid it will pale in comparison to this amazing being we created. Plus like I said, we really like just hanging out with Aiden, and if another little one comes along, it will take away from that.
He is just so cool. I never thought I would love anything this much. I lack in so many areas in life but being a mother to him is my proudest accomplishment. He is my best decision.

(here is where I add the beautiful picture of the two of us, but I can't get it to work so use your imagination.)