Confession

As I have before mentioned, I am not reading books with this pregnancy. I know the basics.
A few weeks ago, Josh and I were trying to find the baby. It was hard to find. The baby should have been the size of a lemon, why couldn't we find it?
Throughout this pregnancy there has been this hard lump above my belly button. I figured it was my stomach or some other organ that had been misplaced with the addition of the baby to my insides. I always made people feel it and me and Josh always poked at it because it was so funny and strange feeling. Sometimes we thought it was a giant gas bubble.
Well my sister Ali came in town and told me that "at 16 weeks your baby should be 2 inches above the belly button." Oops. We thought it would be lower by where all your girly parts are.
Our poor baby has been poked and prodded, un-gently for quite a while. If it comes out blind with strange indentations, it was totally our fault. Sorry baby.

Want our old video camera

We bought a new video camera and are going to sell our old one at a garage sale. I thought I would let friends and family have first dibs. It's like 11 years old. Hardly used, we only had 3 videos we had to convert. It has the users manual and even a unused blank tape to record on. Josh says you needs a analog to dv video converter to download it to any computer with a firewire port. http://www.adstech.com/products/API-558-EFS/intro/API-558_intro.asp?pid=API-558-EFS .
But you can watch them on a TV without that. I can't find the battery but it has the charger. A new battery would cost about $25. http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=kjK&resnum=0&q=battery+ccd-tr64&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=YeaSSqiFK4vYsgOG-6UM&sa=X&oi=product_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1

Anyway, it serves it's purpose and works very well. Sony Handycam Video ccd-TR64 NTSC. We were going to sell it at the garage sale for $50. You can find them on ebay for $89-$125. It includes the carrying case. Plus if you bought a used one on ebay the battery would probably be shot anyway. 11 year old batteries rarely work :) It's little and cute:) Let me know if you want it.

The cat is out of the bag...

So I have a confession. Besides starting sentences out with "so", which I picked up from Josh, because he does it ALL the time and for 5 years I have made fun of him and now I do it, but not as much....
Confession: In 2006 I graduated from Salt Lake Community College. I even walked at the ceremonies. Shortly after we found out that I actually did NOT graduate. Some minor, error. I sent out announcements and even got presents from Josh, Grandma and Mom. Well maybe Mom, I'm sure she promised me something, unsure if it was delivered (I finally got my mix master for a wedding gift, last year! How long have I been married Mom?) ;) I digress..
So, How embarrassing. I walked, took pictures, got presents all to find out a few months later, that I was missing a class. Well we were planning on moving to Maryland, I got pregnant, and I thought, "screw it." I am never going to work again anyway, my husband will always make more money than me, even if I have a PHD, even if I'm a prostitute, which I wouldn't need a degree for anyway. So I gave up on a degree, told no one, and kept my gifts:)
Then the news of baby number 2 came and hit me like a ton of bricks. I planned this baby, but I didn't plan for the emotional toll it would have on me. Judge me if you want, but I cannot appreciate this child. All my thoughts have turned to, what have I done. Mine and Aiden's perfect world is about to be destroyed. I will NEVER have a life again. My life is over! These are thoughts that get me everyday. I am a WONDERFUL mom to Aiden. He is my world and my best friend, but I struggle with wanting this new baby.
So, Since I realized my life is over in February, I decided, yes I do want my degree. I will never get another shot, cuz like I said, life is over with 2 kids. I have enrolled back in college. I have had hurdle after hurdle to jump through. Re-enrollment, placement tests that put me lower than the one class I need, appeals, full classes, and child care. Today it was all finalized. I start in less than a week. Aiden starts preschool in one week and we are not going to have any fun until December, well he'll probably have fun at pre-school, but no vacations and lots of studying. I guess it will prepare us for what life will be like when the baby comes :) Oh and did I mention, me and Aiden have to be at school by 8am!!! This is going to be huge. We'll have to wake up at 7! We sleep til about 9:30 now. Life is going to get crazy....
Hey, maybe I'll walk again at the graduation ceremonies, I can have a kid on each hip:)

Grandpa built me a golfball track

Aka, a snake

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No way

So I just added that baby countdown thing to the side of our blog. Does my baby really look like that? It looks like a person. I still think of it as a peanut. I am not reading books with this one, too many issues, when I read with Aiden. So I never know how big the baby is. It's a real baby!

Sunglasses

Smartie Pants

My sister-in-law sent me this http://www.babycenter.com/204_morning-sickness-tied-to-higher-child-iq_10316988.bc
It says, Morning sickness could be tied to higher child IQ.

This kid better be a freakin' genius! I have often thought and hoped this one would be more like Josh. I feel like Aiden is a mini me. I miniature, male, replica. I adore this fact but have thought it would be nice for Josh to have a mini him.

Oh and a name for my illness, woohoo! Not just super sicko anymore. I always feel better when my problems have a name. Then I don't feel like such a baby.
"A small percentage of pregnant women progress to a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum -- severe, persistent nausea and vomiting that can lead to dehydration, malnutrition and weight loss." DUDE that's what happened to me...

Hospital

So yesterday I was vomiting very badly. Couldn't keep anything down including water. I guess I got extremely dehydrated and started getting numb in my arm and face. We went to the ER around 10pm. During pregnancy you are at a greater risk for strokes and blood clots so they wanted to rule all that out. I just ended up having a very severe migraine and dehydration. I am supposed to rest and try to avoid stress.

We knew getting pregnant was a huge risk. Aiden was not an easy pregnancy and I was on be rest a lot. Fortunately with Aiden the first trimester was not as bad as this one. I can only hope they are switching places an it will be a walk in the park next month:)

We are going to look into some pre-schools for Aiden. The most importantly thing for me is to keep fluids down and stress down so this doesn't happen again. When I'm up and around I puke and then I get dehydrated which causes me to puke more and it is a vicious cycle:) The next option is to get at home nursing assistance and an at home IV, which we are going to try to avoid.

One other option is there is a small hole or tear in my heart that they wouldn't be able to repair until after the pregnancy. One Doctor felt very strongly about this option and another not so much. Either way, no sense worrying until after the baby comes. This option, however would explain a lot about my past medical history.

So that's where I'm at. I would love help but at the same time don't want to use all my favors. It could be a long 6 more months. I was very conflicted about getting pregnant again. I knew the odds of it being bad were very high and I felt guilty knowing I would need help and it was something I mae a conscience choice to do. Here we are, and I am still torn with those feelings. I chose to do this to myself, full on knowing what may happen. In some ways I feel like I made that choice I need to take care of myself. I asked for it! So that is probably why I haven't asked for help. I need to humble myself and take care of me and the new baby.

Thanks for any help and prayers.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

I had a hard day. Lets face it, there aren't many easy days lately. So when Josh got home I had a cry fest, I just balled my eyes out. After the sobs slowed, he asked, "Do you feel better?" My response was, I don't know. He says, "I bet I know what would make you feel better." "What?" "A Bath, you'll feel better once you wash this layer of grease off."
So wallowing in self pity, completely fine. Wallowing in yesterday's dirt and grime, unacceptable.

Don't drink the Water

Well folks I guess it's time for THE announcement. Baby #2 is due FEBRUARY 12th!!!
Thus far it has been a pretty rotten pregnancy. I thought Aiden's was bad, but this is worse. I have pondered about this post for sometime. Mostly witty titles, so I will explain with each...
other possible titles for this post I toyed with....
If everybody jumped off a cliff... The title I chose and this one are because I swear everybody and their dog are pregnant. I can only name those of you who have publicly told, my oldest sister. My dear friend Liz. My sister-in-law. Shelly, I'm still mad we had to find out so late :) A far away friend whom hasn't officially announced. A close friend who's husband blabbed. Probably more.
One drunken night... This because those who know me, know I didn't want another baby. But a momentary lapse in judgment...
I can't keep my pants on.... This is not what you think. Since I have been pregnant, I cannot keep my pajama pants on in the night. It's ridiculous. Josh makes fun of me. I wake up and there are still partly on but just around my knees. My conclusion is they are supposed to be higher up but with the little pouch the baby has made they can't get up there so they slowly slide down in the night. I don't know, it's silly.
Hell has frozen over. Self explanatory.

And now the unveiling of the Peanut

Not much too look at, I know