Thursday, January 27, 2011

Middle of the night woes

I lay my head on my pillow tonight and the first thing that pops into my mind is, "I'm not sure I can do this!"
Like I have a choice. I already have 2 kids. It's not like I can return them. Walk up to the counter at the hospital, "I'm sorry, this just really isn't working out for me."
And who do you ask for for help? Everybody I know has their own kids and is probably feeling the same way. At least I hope they are. I hope you all want to cry or scream at the end of the day. It comforts me, imagining a world full of crying moms. I can't be the only one. And if you do miraculously have it all under control, why would I want to ruin that for you by sending over my 2 little nightmares? I can't hold it together with mine, I certainly don't want yours!
Tonight we attempted to clean out the garage. All I wanted to do was get rid of all the baby stuff. I want to be DONE! I want to move on from this stage in my life. All the older people say, "It goes by so fast. You're going to miss it." oh hell no I won't! I am never going to miss days like today, where the whining and crying NEVER stops. Where it takes all my self control not to hit my children. Where my voice is hoarse from yelling. I think the child needs a hearing aid because he cannot hear me. You old people have selective memory.
Do you have any idea what I would give for a good nights sleep? Well I'll tell you, I'd give my first born. Or my second. You pick!


Likely said...


I am laughing so hard at this em. It is all soooo true. especially enjoyed the "hell no". I know I shouldn't, but I did. I often wonder if there are other crying moms too. I asked my friend the other day, do you cry in front of your kids? Because I do. I cry too em.

I asked my mom the other day when I was venting to her -- WHY DO WE DO THIS???? It is honestly sooooooooo hard and I think sometimes we need to be more honest about it.

Sometimes I hear about moms doing crazy stuff to their kids, like shaking their babies, etc. Of course I wou;dn't do that but some days I can definitely see how other moms can go insane and do something totally irrational.

I also think about PPD a lot and think -- how can you NOT be depressed after you have kids? You are a slave to them, you are living in spit and poop and on top of everything, you are fat and can't fit into anything decent to wear....

Am I making things worse? JUst please know you aren't alone.

Now, when you get a free second, (as if) I have had a few friends request your freezer recipes! What would be the best way to get those? want to put them on your blog and I can link everyone???

Hang in there mama.

mindy said...

I lose it with my kids at least 5 out of 7 days a week. The other 2 days, the husband is usually home and then I sort of get back up before I do. Being a mom to young kids really sucks some days. Just last night I was walking down the hall saying to myself "why am I a mom? I am a terrible mother!"

Another of my friends put up a post that sort of relates to least ways that we can help ourselves be a little happier as a person. It's at if you'd like to read it.

I'm looking forward to seeing you at playgroup!

jennybrum said...

I hear ya! But if you need a break, you know you can always come to my house. We will lock them all in the basement and watch a redbox by ourselves upstairs. Oh, and we will need chocolate. Lots of it. Then my playroom will be so messy that my kids will have to spend the whole next day cleaning it and I will get rid of them for that day too. ;)

Than & Lina said...

I think it was the day before you posted this that I had had a terrible day. I was soooooooooooooooooooooo frustrated! I called Than to complain and A was just screaming in the background. Later that day I texted him and said his daughter needs a parent, so whenever he can come home... Anyway. I wish it weren't so hard. I don't know why it is - except that we're supposed to learn from hard things :), but that's hard too.